The Aragorn Conspiracy Theory
by Starchaser1
Summary: Two teenage girls(Arwen and Eowyn), one unappetizing bridegroom(Aragorn, duh), and a ring of power(the shiny blue one). What if Arwen was being FORCED to marry Aragorn? Please R+R!
1. The One With the Gross Hair?

"Pleeease?" Arwen whined, trying her most adorable puppy-dog face. "Pleease?" She stopped. "Eowyn? Are you, like, even listening?"  
  
Eowyn had been practicing her swordfighting. She stopped for a moment, and laid the blade carefully down on her dresser. "I'm trying not to. What do you want?"  
  
"I want you to date Aragorn! Get it?"  
  
"I thought I heard his name. Elaborate."  
  
Arwen politely refrained from mentioning that she had been doing so for a half-hour whilst Eowyn had been waving a pointy object unnervingly close to her head. "Well, you know who Aragorn is, right?"  
  
"Ranger guy? Gross hair?"  
  
"Yeah. Well my dad wants me to like, totally sacrifice my immortality and marry him. He says it'll be good for elven-human relationships." She practiced a pout. "And he says I like, drive him nuts. But I don't want to marry Aragorn! He's like, so violent! And he never washes his hair."  
  
Eowyn knew exactly what was coming, but she was rather in the mood to annoy her guest. "So?"  
  
"Well, if he falls in love with you, then he won't want to marry me! And I can find like, some cute elf, and well, you know." She caught Eowyn's reluctant expression. "You don't have to marry him! Just get him away from me!"  
  
Eowyn twirled her sword in close proximity to Arwen's left ear. "What do I get for this?"  
  
"The satisfaction of helping another human being?" She paused. "Well. uh. what about, like, a ring of power or something?"  
  
"What! You have one of the elven-rings?" Eowyn stared at her unbelievingly. "What's its power? Perfect hair or something?"  
  
"My dad has it," Arwen amended. "But I can get it..deal?"  
  
Eowyn smiled, rather predatorily. She almost felt bad of taking advantage of Arwen. Almost. "I get Aragorn away from you, and I get a ring. Deal." 


	2. It's Not Easy When Your Daddy Has Magic ...

"Where, exactly, have you been?" Elrond asked snappishly. He had just found Arwen trying to sneak back home in the middle of night.  
  
"Uhh.nowhere." The next moment, she found herself being swept away by a wildly animated river that was suddenly raging. Having a dad with magical powers could get pretty annoying.  
  
By the time she'd dried off and re-done her hair, he'd sent word that the mighty king and his compatriots had arrived. Basically, Aragorn and his midget troops, she thought, surveying herself in a full-length mirror. "Why can't I be, like, ugly?" she said out loud. "Then he wouldn't want to marry me. But, like, everyone wants to marry me because I'm totally perfect. That's really annoying sometimes."  
  
"Be romantic," her father told her, as he prepared to welcome everyone. "Or else I swear you won't like the results."  
  
"Where are you going?" She brushed a strand of silky hair back.  
  
"When you made me lose my temper and flood Rivendell."  
  
"Me!"  
  
"I accidentally got a hobbit, too. And now he's sick. And his HMO doesn't cover it. So I have to take care of it. I'm not in a good mood. Get the picture?"  
  
"Yes." When he was in THAT sort of mood, she decided that even Aragorn was a better companion. Maybe he wasn't as bad as she remembered.  
  
He was sitting contemplatively on a bench, gazing outwards. He looked even worse than ever. The outfit was like, a total fashion no-no. And he probably still hadn't washed his hair since the last time she'd seen him. Yuk.  
  
He caught sign of her, and the lovelorn expression on his face almost made her nauseous. As did his very rudimentary wooing techniques. "Oh, Arwen, I love you. You're so.beautiful. But, I couldn't ask you to give your immortality up for me."  
  
Good, she thought, because you're sure not getting it! "Hmmffft," she murmured, in what she hoped was a properly amorous tone of voice.  
  
"Oh, Arwen, thy eloquence." She sighed. She was in for a looong night with a really, really bad date. 


End file.
